What Do You Want?

I have these posts from time to time. Within the mess of quirky images and phrases and advice and assurances, I have that one that slips in now and again. The one that breaks my heart to write, and read. It's the honest one.

I've been on Spring Break for the past week; my last Spring Break. It feels like everything is coming to a head. In less than two months, I will be done with the chapter in my life that lasted more than a majority of it. I have wrapped myself up in books for years and prolonged my time in school because if anything has ever appeased me, it was busying my mind with school. With the aid of my education, I have been able to move to places I would have never had the chance to be, meet people, etc.

I've had so many amazing experiences, and among those include my relationships. Platonic or not. I have made amazing friends that I hate to be away from. I have dated so many amazing men that tried me and even though it didn't work out, I appreciate every single one of them for the times we had, good and bad, because I learned so much about myself and other people.

Now this all sounds very trivial and mid-grade rambling bullshit, but over this past week of no classes/no studying aside from some light reading, I've experienced for the first time what life is going to be like in less than two months. What a roller coaster.

I had some fun, and I was really bored. I was also a little bit more sober than I'd like to be on a spring break. But I actually made some realizations about myself. Here are some of them:

- At times, I am bat-shit crazy. I really wish I wasn't, but I'm coming to realize that this is who I am, and while I work on my flaws constantly, no one is perfect.
- I just want to give everything I can to the people I care about.
- I want to find love, someday.
- Being completely alone is a hard thing for me at times, but when else am I productive?
- Me - college= a sad scary world. I will be very busy to make sure I can fill my life with a job that has meaning and not just a paycheck.

Ultimately, I've realized that you can't answer the question of what you want until you figure out who you are,

Right. So, random post, but I needed to get it out. I'm learning about me through this too, aren't I?