Human Behavior

My friend brought up a really good point last night; if me and my girlfriends were birds, male birds would be swarming, jockeying for positions and ruffling their feathers, trying to mate with us. What I want to know is, where is my Bird of Paradise?

I am known to pounce. I see what I want and I am not afraid to go for it. A lot of times, this confidence has been excellent to me. But sometimes, at the end of the day, I just want to be pursued. And who doesn't? I'd like to be able to sit back and have a flock of colorful men fight for attention.

But, of course, I am going to spend three hours looking for what to wear, deciding how to put on my eyeliner, which bangles look better with which shoes, and even try doing my hair differently so that I can solicit passive-aggressive boys for drinks and sex, While they sit content with their complacency.

I Want to Have FUUUUUNNNNN

Where have all the cute, smart, interesting and mysterious boys gone?

I don't know who sent the memo to all guys everywhere telling them to loose their cool, but seriously, haha, very funny- jokes over.

what not to do:

Hey boys and girls, here is a PERFECT example of what NOT to do, under any circumstances.

[attached to a friend request] " Hey im notawkward guy's friend, i helped you with your macbook charger yesterday. Yes i know, kinda weird that a complete stranger, youve never really met officially is adding you but notawkward guy and i were hanging out last night and somehow you and your sister came up in the convo and when he told me about you, i thought you seemed pretty interesting and cool. He also used the word artsy to describe you multiple times which right there made you a coolkeyboardcat."

Seriously, this is real shit people. I don't want to see ANY of you sink to this level.
And what the hell is a coolkeyboardcat?????

How to Get By

So being single is sometimes a hard thing for people to deal with. For me it is only hard because I am technically "free" to do what I want, but the second I get comfortable with someone, I feel like a whore for flirting with the bartender. But really, other than that, BEING SINGLE ROCKS!!

Here are some pointers that help me get over all the other bullshit.
1. Choose a female/male rapper that YOU wish YOU rapped like and try to channel what you think their personalities are like, based on their rhymes. Girls, there are some raunchy, BEAUTIFUL, confident lady MCs out there. My choice MC: Amanda Blank. Whenever I'm feeling down or upset about anything, I ask myself, "What Would Amanda B. Do?" She would NOT sulk, EVER! She is too beautiful and talented to waste her time with being sad. AND SO ARE YOU! It is, also, a great way to act when you wanna be secccyyyy.

2. Pamper. I don't care if you're a dude or a chick, taking care of yourself is more than a thing that your mom tells you to do. I LOVE long showers and moisturizing. Buy yourself a bath robe and wear it, it makes you feel like you're at a spa. And always always always smell good!

3. Plan trips. Nothing makes me feel better than having a count-down for a voyage.

4. Drive alone. Listen to the music YOU want to listen to and scream along with it.

5. BE BUSY. If you're not, you will only drive yourself crazy. Get a job, get Rosetta Stone, start knitting, or make a blog.

6. Go out with your real friends. Don't hang with the crowd that that cute girl/guy hangs with, they are boring and are really bad at introducing themselves and listen to terrible music. Go out with the people that you feel at home with. It is ALWAYS a good time with them.

7. Watch youtube videos. There is so much funny shit on youtube, and you are automatically a funny person when you show someone funny youtube videos.

8. Spend time outside. Notice the weather, and talk to someone about it- I do this with anyone, my colleague, my financial aid advisor, my neighbor, etc.

9. Buy a French Press and coffee beans and make your own damn coffee! You just can't help but feel fancy!

10. If you know what makes you happy, DO IT! This is the part of being single that everyone forgets about. You are not tied down to ANYONE. As long as you are single, you can be selfish! Don't go out and try to hurt people, but DO go see that movie that everyone makes fun of you for liking, and DO buy a bottle of wine and share it with friends, and DO talk to WHOEVER you want! You can do it!

11. This is the last one, but probably the most important. DO NOT simmer in the discontempt you have for this world/your ex/the-guy-you-like-that-is-just-too-much-of-an-effort. You have a ten minute period right after something happens that you can be mad for. Take that time to go in the car for a quick drive and scream and say whatever it is you wish you could say or do. When you come home, do some breathing exercises and chew on gum. AND THEN GO BACK TO REAL LIFE! If you just sit and think about it, nothing is going to get better! You are too good to let someone like that upset you, you really are!


-N

Werd.