Things to Think About III

1. It is as if there is a ratio that needs to be determined before any decisions are made. The fear of being hurt over the happiness one has. When you reflect on it all, and the LAST thing you think about is what could go wrong, and really, the thought is something you have personally and nothing has been wrong, then the ratio is right.

2. Fuck the past. Yeah, it can define who you are, but who you are is living here and now. If there is one thing I have learned watching INTERVENTION, it is that the way you react to what happens to you is what truly makes you you.

3. Take control. You control everything in your life. Everything you say, feel, or do is in YOUR hands. You feel helpless and defenseless when you forget this.

4. Let your guard down, and feel that searing pain of awkwardness and insecurity again. If they still show interest after seeing you stutter and saying absurd things like "I'll find you on facebook", he's totally worth it. And if he doesn't fuck him, he's not worth your fretting anyways.

5. Be considerate. Compromise is good as long as you don't surrender what you are passionate about.

6. Honesty IS the best policy.

7. Spend time in the kitchen. Cooking is so therapeutic. It also puts me at ease to know EXACTLY what I am consuming.

8. Listen. If you catch your self doing most of the talking, start asking questions.

9. Remember everything you learned in Kindergarten. Manners, sharing, patience and values are just as important now as they were then.

Now, there comes a time where I shut the fuck up and take the risk and just go for it.

Wish me luck.

Cryptic

I wish my brain had a heart.

From the 1995 film "Kicking and Screaming"

Grover: You know despite my efforts, my intense efforts to do nothing,things happened anyway.
Jane: Like?
G: I'm embarrassed to say, just, I didn't want to have any attachments at all...
J: Me too.
G: I just hope that we both feel this way after today. After we leave this moment I hope that after the alcohol wears off, you go talk to your shrink and I go back to my friends, I just hope we keep this.
J: Its not really dramatic as all that. I mean, we've got some time, it is a long life. And what if we did have a love affair, do you think it'd really last?
G: (Smiles) Well that's a good attitude!

True.

The Rule Book

Habituation is a form of nonassociative learning in which there is a decrease in psychological and behavioral response to a stimulus after repeated exposure to that stimulus over a duration of time. (wikipedia, more or less)

When it is over, and you are afraid, lonely, and regretting all that weight you gained when you were happier, the quickest way to get over it (or really mask the pain until it subsides) is to slut it up. We've all been there. This can vary from person to person. It could mean 20 partners in a month, or stripping, or a make out sesh with one person before you start dating someone else, but there is always the in-between. It is called being single.

We all fumble through it like the pants we try to take of. We try to be sexy and and smart about it, but we really have no idea what we are doing. So we try our own way untl we think we figure it out. I think I have developed a rule set that I put tremendous faith (and experience) into. Do with it what you will:

1. NEVER spend the night the first time you hook up.

2. Snuggling should be short, if at all.

3. Don't feel bad for them, they don't feel bad for you.

4. If you don't have confidence, fake it.

5. You are limited to 2 unresponded texts.

6. If you can, avoid going to your place.

7. Ladies, DO NOT talk about your dad.

8. Blame it on the alcohol.

9. A rerun is never a bad thing. You both already know what it is like with each other, and it keeps your number from rising.

10. Don't let them buy you too many drinks. You don't want to owe them that much.

DISCLAIMER: Rules should only apply for hooking up purposes ONLY. This blog strictly promotes the DBAD guidelines.

What Do You Want?

I have these posts from time to time. Within the mess of quirky images and phrases and advice and assurances, I have that one that slips in now and again. The one that breaks my heart to write, and read. It's the honest one.

I've been on Spring Break for the past week; my last Spring Break. It feels like everything is coming to a head. In less than two months, I will be done with the chapter in my life that lasted more than a majority of it. I have wrapped myself up in books for years and prolonged my time in school because if anything has ever appeased me, it was busying my mind with school. With the aid of my education, I have been able to move to places I would have never had the chance to be, meet people, etc.

I've had so many amazing experiences, and among those include my relationships. Platonic or not. I have made amazing friends that I hate to be away from. I have dated so many amazing men that tried me and even though it didn't work out, I appreciate every single one of them for the times we had, good and bad, because I learned so much about myself and other people.

Now this all sounds very trivial and mid-grade rambling bullshit, but over this past week of no classes/no studying aside from some light reading, I've experienced for the first time what life is going to be like in less than two months. What a roller coaster.

I had some fun, and I was really bored. I was also a little bit more sober than I'd like to be on a spring break. But I actually made some realizations about myself. Here are some of them:

- At times, I am bat-shit crazy. I really wish I wasn't, but I'm coming to realize that this is who I am, and while I work on my flaws constantly, no one is perfect.
- I just want to give everything I can to the people I care about.
- I want to find love, someday.
- Being completely alone is a hard thing for me at times, but when else am I productive?
- Me - college= a sad scary world. I will be very busy to make sure I can fill my life with a job that has meaning and not just a paycheck.

Ultimately, I've realized that you can't answer the question of what you want until you figure out who you are,

Right. So, random post, but I needed to get it out. I'm learning about me through this too, aren't I?

What's In a Name

At this point in almost every aspect of my life, I am sick of titles. I guess it’s because I’m in a transitional phase- my hair is growing, I’m graduating, I’m SINGLE. I have been single before, obviously, but now, I feel I have a new approach to men and dating. I guess they call this bitterness.
I’ve decided that I will not dance, kiss, or date. These rules are implemented and sometimes followed as a mere precaution to me finding myself in another relationship. But what if I have found something along the lines of it?
And here we are at my present situation. I’m in a constant mental battle with my rules. I made the rules to help myself, but I’m ignoring the rules to be happy. And my main argument is, “What the fuck does it matter if I dance/kiss/date a boy? He doesn’t have to be my boyfriend!”
And that’s just it. My main issue is labels. I feel stuck and suffocated with a title. There are all these pressures to think about someone else, when right now, I need to be thinking of myself. I’m making big decisions for myself right now, and don’t want the influence of anyone else.
And like a nerd, I have turned to my studies to sooth me. I actually found solace:
In linguistics, some theories argue that identification is impossible. For instance, I can’t say that something is mine because what IS “mine” and what IS “something”?
In Freud, identification in dreams is an unconscious inferential process. Finding a common element causes one to see a similarity & therefore identify it.
So really, when we identify someone/something/ourselves, we’re just perpetuating a name-game. There is no reality behind identification. Just the fact that we identified.
And there it is. I am not in a relationship. I am not dating. I am not single. I am, however, a smart, caring individual who wants to be surrounded by smart and caring individuals. And a kiss from time to time.